Cold Winter Mornings

It’s only my first week back in Melbourne not to mention my first week of the 2nd semester and I’m already finding my lectures boring… It’s a bad sign I know, can’t get worse than this. I’m finding it hard to get up every morning but I’m forcing myself to get up because I have to. Damn the cold weather & the urge to just stay under the warm comfy blanket all day long…

After spending the last 3 weeks back home, pampered & spending so much time with my family & friends really made me miss them more than the time when I first came to Melbourne in February. I felt so sudden then… First the thought of not being able to get accepted into Uni with my unsatisfactory results, then after having appealed to get in I got a full offer & went straight to accepting it, next thing I know I was on the flight to Melbourne.

My first semester results wasn’t good, I felt like I’ve wasted the last four months doing nothing. I kept thinking that I should be more active & join a few clubs but I can’t seem to get my bum off the chair & actually do those things. I still haven’t found what I want to do in the future, I’m even worried if my future degree will even help me get a job at all. I can just imagine how my resume will look, so empty… no activities .. nothing.. Who in the world would want to employ me? That’s something I desperately need to fix but I just don’t know where to start.

Yes, I’m feeling pretty down right now I guess I can’t help feeling like this because it’s just that time of the month. My guitar playing hasn’t improved at all and I’m listening to emo korean songs which make me feel even worse. Whatever mood I hope to have earlier this day vanished into thin air and I just don’t feel like doing anything right now… It’s times like this that I curse being born a female… Not that I ever wanted to be born as anything else. It’s that empty feeling I have occasionally that make me think about things that don’t even cross peoples minds. Don’t worry I’m not turning suicidal or anything, pain is not my cup of tea & there are just too many things out there that I’ve yet to experience.

I hope to work towards being a better person for myself, I couldn’t care less what other people think about me. You can fool other people but you can’t ever fool yourself. Sometimes you just need a slap in the face to get moving…

PS. I really enjoyed being able to enjoy the last 3 weeks in Malaysia although we didn’t quite do everything we planned to do because we were much too tired to go out after having gone out for 3 days straight. Photos & video are up on facebook.


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